A Letter To The Star
by Music K
Summary: Jamie died of childbirth, leaving Landon a piece of herself. Jade. Yes, Landon gets lonely, and his only way to cope with that is to talk to Jamie. A Letter To The Star
1. Prologue

Prologue

Sunday, May 26, 2002

My sweet Jamie,

I can hardly believe that this day has finally come. The day that I will forever, burn it in my memory. When I saw you lying there on the hospital bed, next to our little Jade, my heart was crushed. Your eyes were closed, yet your mouth was still slightly curving upwards. Your pale skin glowed in the moonlight, bringing all your soft features to life. The nurses were about to cover your body with a white cloth, but I stopped them. 

"No," I said. "Please don't cover her." They looked at me with a curious face. "Please. She's so beautiful. She doesn't need to be covered. " I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't. I could feel them running down my cheeks. They nodded and walked away. As I walked up closer to you, I could feel butterflies in my stomach. My hand were trembling, as I cried harder. I picked Jade up and carried her in my arms. I kissed her tiny pinky, and made a promise to her. To you, and to myself. From now on, I will live for her. For my Jade only. And not anybody else. 

Love, 

Landon


	2. CH 1

The next day, Landon's schedule was hectic. Before he went to the hospital, he had to do a lot of shopping. He was missing everything; a crib, baby clothes, extra baby diapers, milk bottles, baby ribs, you name it. Other than that, he had to prepare Jamie's funeral. Because he had to do all that, it was impossible for him to go to class and to his work. He wasn't all that stressed about it, because he knew he can always work this out with his professors and his manager. 

'But still. Thinking of one excuse won't hurt.' he thought. 'Just in case.'

As Landon was thinking of excuses to make, he was playing with Jade. He stuck his right pinky into the palm of her tiny hands as she clutched it, and never let go. 

"Oh, what the hell!" He looked down to Jade and started talking to her. " I don't need to make excuses, right? It's not like I ditched, or anything. I just had to…send your mommy to heaven. They'll understand us. Right, Jade? They all know Jamie. They all know your mommy. And they adore her. Everyone loves your mommy." And that hit him. 'Wow, ' he thought. 'Mommy. This word fits Jamie so much.' Before he knew it, his eyes were watering again. He wiped his tears off his eyes as the nurse came up to him. 

"Excuse me, Mr. Carter. It's time to feed your baby." She looked through Jade's diaper and smiled. " She needs to be changed as well. Why don't you come with me, so you can learn."

"Learn..learn what?" his eyebrows went two inches up. 

" You know…change her, feed her. The basic things a father should know how to do, since her mother is…umm.."

'Dead. Just say it. It's not like it can hurt me anymore than this.' he thought to himself. But somehow, the only words he let out was…

"Oh. Ok."

After his long day, he went out to the porch with his journal, and looked for Jamie through the telescope. "Where are you? Ah…there you are. Hey, baby."

My sweet Jamie, 

As you probably can see, everything was crazy today. Especially when I had to shop for Jade's necessities. I didn't know exactly what to get, so I had to take momma with me. It was funny. I didn't know what size of diapers I supposed to get, so I just picked out whatever I saw. Momma nearly cried from laughing at me so hard. She smacked me once and told me to go get the ones for newborn babies. I've bought some clothes, some beanies, socks, and mittens too, but they can't even compare to the ones you've made. Today the nurse taught me how to change, how to bathe, and how to feed her. "All the basic things a father should know how to do." Wow, Jamie. A father. Now, that's a big word for me. Do you think I'm going to be a good father? This is going to be so hard. Anyway, the nurse told me that Jade could come home tomorrow. I can't wait for you to meet her. Tomorrow I'm going to dress her in the pink sweater that you made for her. 

Love,

Landon

He closed his journal and looked at Jamie through the telescope again. 

"Goodnight, baby. I love you."


	3. CH 2

"Landon…LAAANDON…Come on, Landon! Wake up! Up, up, up!" 

'Hmmmm….Jamie??' he thought.

"Five more minutes, baby. Just five more, and I'm up." he mumbled as he slid himself under the blanket. 

"Landon, wake up! It's momma, not baby! Now wake up! You gotta go pick up Jade, remember?"

His eyes opened wide as he started to remember things clearly. He looked down to his hands where he was holding Jamie's picture, and hugging it all night. When he looked back up, he saw his mom standing there, just like she did before he married Jamie. 

"Right, momma." he said. "It's momma. Not baby. Not Jamie."

His mom sighed and patted his head. "Hurry. Come down stairs and eat. I already miss my granddaughter."

*******************

"Good morning, Mr. Carter!" Landon could hear the nurse's voice, but he still couldn't find her. "Over here!" He could now see her waving. He smiled and walked to her.

"Good morning ummm…." 

"Lana."

"Right. Lana. Lana, this is my mother. Momma this is Lana."

"Good morning Mrs. Carter, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

"You're here to take Jade home, right?"

"That's right." said Landon. Where should I go first?"

"Oh, go to the reception center and tell 'em that you're gonna check-out your daughter. Then go meet us at Jade's room, and we'll have her ready by then!" 

"Oh, ok. Thanks!"

Landon did as he was told and went straight up to Jade's room. There, he found the Pediatrician double-checking if Jade is in perfect health, and the nurses gathering Jamie's belongings together; her clothes and her bible. He walked up to Jade where the Pediatrician is.

"Is she ready to go?"

"Yes, she's all set."

As the nurse was about to dress Jade up in one of those dull, boring hospital baby clothes, Landon stopped her. "Um..do you mind if I dress her myself?" 

"Oh, no, no! Go ahead! But ummm… will you need help when you go outside?"

"No, thanks."

"Ok, then. Well, let me know if you need any help. I'll be right outside." She smiled and walked away. Landon turned back to Jade. 

"Hey, cutie. Ready to go home?" He talked to her as he put Jamie's pink sweater on her. "It's pretty warm outside, so just the diaper'll do, right momma?"

"Yes, honey, it's pretty warm out there." She walked up to Jade and started playing with her. 

"Momma, do you mind holding these?" He handed Jamie's clothes to her. "No." she said. "I don't." "Thanks." He smiled and he walked out with Jamie's bible on one hand, and Jade in the basket he brought. 

Landon's day was pretty hectic, but he couldn't help smiling all day. He kept looking to the back seat where Jade is sleeping next to his mother. His mother knew exactly how he feels so she smiled back at him at patted his shoulder. 

After his long day, he went out to the porch and looked through the telescope to find Jamie. 

"Oh Jamie…where are you? Come on out! I want you to meet someone special." 

He looked up to the starry sky, and showed the soft chubby creature in his arms. 

Just then, a falling star streaked the sky. Jamie's star became brighter, as if she was smiling to them, greeting their new member. 

Landon went back inside to put Jade to sleep, which took him an awful long time, because Jade had already slept in the afternoon. Cradles after cradles, and after another cradle, her tiny eyelids slowly fell. So he went back to the porch with his journal in his hands. He spotted Jamie through her telescope and began his writings.

My sweet Jamie,

You saw her, right? You smiled to us, I can tell. Your star looks brighter than everyone else's tonight. Baby, when I walked out of the hospital today, I…I nearly floated. It's weird. I've never felt like this before. I can't keep my eyes off her. I can't stop smiling. I keep on looking at Jade and think of you. She IS you, Jamie. She looks exactly like you. I know she's only 3 days old, but I can see it. I see your eyes in her eyes. Those round chocolate eyes. I smell your natural fragrance through her skin. Best of all, I see your luminous smile on her face. I was playing with her, tickling her, and I can almost swear that I saw your smile. I wonder if she'll giggle like you. Or if her eyes will twinkle when she smiles like you. 

Love,

Landon

He closed his journal and looked up to the sky. This time, he didn't need the telescope to find Jamie because she was the brightest one out there. "Goodnight, baby. I love you."

TBC


	4. CH 3

4th Entry

"Wahhhhhhhhh!!! Wahhhhhhhhh!!!" Landon woke up immediately when he heard that sound.

__

'Jade? My Jade? Honey?' he nearly ran to her crib.

"Shhhh...it's all right cutie, I'm here." He cradled her in his arms. "Why are you crying?" he pouted his lips. "Hmmm? Tell me. Are you hungry?" He tried to feed her, but she just turned away and kept on crying. "What is it? Hmmm?" Then he felt her heavy diapers. _'Ohhh..' _he thought. He put her down, removed her damp diapers, and gave her a quick warm bath. Then he dressed her up, and put a pair of mitten that Jamie had knitted for her on her tiny hands. 

"Landon? Are you in there?" he heard his mom's voice from the living room.

"Yeah, momma, I'm in here!" Landon's mom came in with a woman next to her. _'Lana.' _he remembered.

"Good morning, Mr. Carter." she said.

"It's Landon. Good morning, Lana." _'Ok...and why are you here?' _"Is there something wrong with my Jade?"

"Why would you think that?"

"Well..you're a nurse..and..you know.."

"She's here to baby-sit Jade." said his mom. "Since you've got so much to do, I figured you might need some help."

"Well...thanks, momma. But you know I'll be paying her, right?"

"Ok. Fine with me. Whatever you say, Landon."

"Ok, then." He turned to Lana. "Do you mind if you watch her during the day? I mean..on weekdays only?"

"That would be fine."

"Can I drop her off at your house in the morning, and pick her up at the end of the day?"

"No problem."

"Mmmm...can you start tomorrow morning?"

"Sure!"

"Ok, then. Just be sure you leave your address and phone number."

"Mmm..ok." she just keeps on staring at him.

__

'Ok...stop staring at me pleeeaassseeee...' he thought. There was silence. And she kept on staring at him. 

"Jaaade!!" _'Why, thank you, momma!'_ His mom broke the silence and started to play with Jade. Lana joined her and Jade started crying. 

"Uh-oh" said Landon. "I don't think she's used to you yet." And he cradled Jade in his arms again, but this time, she wouldn't stop. He tried to feed her, but she still wouldn't stop. 

"Maybe her diaper's too tight." said Lana.

Landon loosened the diaper a bit, but she still wouldn't stop. He began to panic. '_Jamie? Baby, what do I do?...Jamie...Yes! That's it!'_ He reached in his pocket and found his key-chain, which is a picture of him and Jamie. He swayed it back and forth in front of Jade's face. Her high-pitched voice began to quiet down. Loud cries and screams turned to soft little sniffs. Then she stopped crying, and started to grab on the key-chain. _'Yes, it worked! Thanks, baby.'_ She started playing with the key-chain, and slowly spread a smile across her face. Landon couldn't believe his eyes. _'Jamie, look! Her eyes twinkle when she smiles! Just like you! I knew it, I knew it!'_

"Oh, my goodness! Is it just me, or does her smile looks exactly like your Jamie, Landon?" 

__

'Ahahaha..See, baby? Even momma can tell!'

"Yes, momma. She looks exactly like my Jamie." He glanced over at Lana but she didn't smile like they did. Her eyes were too busy staring at Jamie's picture. _'Jamie Sullivan Carter.' _she thought. _'So you're Jamie Sullivan Carter. Oh, how lucky it is to be you. To have a wonderful daughter..a FINE husband. I wish I...'_

"Lana?" his mom shook her arms. 

"Hmm? Yes, Mrs. Carter?" **_'Snap out of it, Lana!'_**

"Are you ok?" asked Landon. _'He worries about me??'_

"Yes, yes. I'm ok. I was just...looking at your wife's picture. She's really beautiful." _'But stupid to leave you and Jade...**Shut** **up, Lana!'**_

"Yes, she's really beautiful. I love her with all my heart." 

__

'Oh, puleaze, Landon. She's dead. Move on...**Ok, face it, Lana. You like him and you envy Jamie because she's perfect.** No I don't. Now shut up, will ya?

"So, I guess we should go now." said his mom.

"K, momma. Take care." He gave her a hug and kissed her cheek.

"So, um..here's my address. My number's at the bottom. Call me." **_'Uh-huh...T'sure you don't. You don't envy her at ALL..yah..whatever._**...SHUT UUUUUP!!!'

'Oh god.' he thought. _'Please don't like me. Please don't like me. Please, Please don't. I don't wanna make you cryyy..'_

"Umm...yeah..uh-huh...I will...tomorrow...I guess."

***************************************************************

My sweet Jamie,

We now have a baby-sitter for our little Jade. Her name's Lana. She seems...um...ok...I guess..but a little strange. When she was looking at your picture...I could've sworn her eyes were scary. But..I don't know..Maybe it's just me. We'll see. Anyway..enough of her. Did you see Jade this morning when she smiled? She looks exactly like you! Her eyes even twinkled! Even momma can tell! Hmmm…now I wonder if she'll chuckle or giggle like you. Baby… This is so hard. Harder than I thought it would be. Jade is only 4 days old, and she already has your smile. She already has your chocolate eyes. She already has your natural fragrance. Now what? It is so hard for me, to look at her and not think of you. Besides. I was never able to do that. Your vision always blink in my mind when I look at her. When she eats, I see you eating in my mind. I see you eating your chocolates and your ice-creams. When she cries, I see you craving for sweets and pouting your lips, begging me to go out and buy some for you at the middle of the night. Gosh, I pray every night that this is all a bad dream. I pray that when I wake up in the morning, I'll find you in my arms. I pray that I would feel you first thing in the morning. That I would see you cradling our Jade, singing her a lullaby at night. I pray that you would give me my goodnight kisses I have missed for so long…

Love, 

Landon

He closed his journal and looked up at the dim, starry sky. He was surprised he was able to find Jamie without using the telescope. 

"Goodnight, baby. I love you." _'I wish you can kiss me right now.' _he thought. 

Just then, he felt the soft whispers of wind around him. _'Jamie. Baby. God, I missed you.' _ He smiled as he closed his eyes, taking her all in. He could see her sneaking from behind, and put her arms around him. He could feel her soft kiss on his cheeks. Then his lips. He could feel her head resting on his shoulder blades. _'Goodnight, Landon. I love you too. I'm so proud of you.'_

TBC


	5. CH 4

Landon's typical day was quite different, than when Jamie was still with him. Instead of Jamie nudging his tummy to wake him up, there was Jade's loud morning greetings that would bounce him off the bed. Instead of Jamie giving him a morning kiss, he gives her and Jade a morning kiss. Instead of Jamie cooking delicious omelets for him, he had to eat his own burnt scrambled eggs, with burnt toast. _' I need a maid.'_ he thought as he took his first bite of toast. _'Disgusting. Even dirt will taste better than this.'_

After he ate breakfast, he dressed Jade up, and talked to her at the same time. "Hey, cutie. Ready to meet someone new? Be good to her, ok? Don't give her a hard time. Pinky promise?" He intertwined their two pinkies. "Good, then we're set. Let's go." On his way to the door, he stopped by Jamie's picture and kissed her. "Wish me luck."

*************************************

Landon parked his Camero in front of a big house in Craven Street, and looked at the address in his hand. _'Whoa. Big house. Eh. Is this the right one? **Uhh..call her, Landon. Common sense. Her number's below the address. **Yeah..yeah..Right. I'll call her.'_ He dialed the number on his cell phone, and soon, a familiar voice answered the phone. 

"Hello, Lana speaking."

"Uhh..hey, Lana. This is Landon."

Her face lit up a bit. "Landon?"

"Yes..ummm..can you look out your window and see if my car's there, because I'm not sure if I'm at the right place."

She looked out the window and laughed a little.

"Yes, yes. This is my house. C'mon in, Landon."

"Oh..ok..bye"

__

'Lana, his comming in. Fix your clothes. And your hair. Put a little lip gloss on...No wait. He's here. Not enough time.'

She opened the door and found Landon standing there with Jade in a basket on one hand, and a bag of her necessities on the other. 

__

'How adorable!' she thought.

"What time will you pick her up?"

"I'll try to pick her up around 6 o'clock. Is that alright?"

"Yes, yes..Sure! That will be fine." _'Ask him to stay for breakfast. **Nah..Lana..too early..**No, it's not too early. It's just fine! Go! Ask him!' _

"Why don't you come inside? I'll make you some coffee." _'You go, girl! '_ **_'Shuddup! Lana, you're rushing him. You'll scare him this way. Go a little slower. Geez'_**

"Uhh..No, thanks. I should be heading to class." 

**__**

' See? I warned you...' 'Don't frown, Lana. Smile.' "Ok, then. I'll see you at 6. Bye"

"Bye."

She closed the door and took Jade out of the basket. "Hey, sweetie!" she pouted. "I'm Lana. I'll be taking care of you while your dad's not here. We're gonna be good friends, right?" 

Just then, Jade started crying.

"Shhh...honey. It's alright. Why are you crying, hmmm?" She tried to calm her down, but nothing worked. Then she found a key chain in Jade's basket. _'Damn, Jamie. You're everywhere. First his living room, and now his key chain? For God's sake. I even see your face in Jade's face.' **'Shhh...Be nice.' **_

She put the key chain in Jade's hand, and soon she stopped crying. _'Wow..how freaky.' **'No it's not. You talk to your mom too. Don't you, Lana? **_

She reached for the locket on her neck, and closed her eyes, thinking how similar Jade is to her. They both lost their mother at an early age. And she too, always feel her mother around her all the time. 

*************************************

Class went pretty well for Landon. He borrowed some notes from his friends, and that made everything easier. His class ended at 3 o'clock, and he went straight to Dr. Basil's clinic. Dr. Basil was his father's friend, and he had a clinic in Beaufort. His job was to stay at the counter and answer phone calls, make appointments for patients, send referrals to other doctors, ect. That day was unfortunately busy, and by the time he made it to Lana's house, the clock read 8:03 P.M. 

__

'Damn, I hope she wouldn't mind.'

He rang the doorbell, and when it opened, he froze. 

__

TBC


End file.
